Thursday, December 29, 2011

Reality Check

Oh, I don't know... It's been nearly 3 months since I last posted anything on my blog. Of course, I do have some really good excuses.  We went to Spain for 10 days in late October - yeah, I know! Awesome! When we returned, I started working at English Gardens, a garden center during most of the year, okay, ALL of the year - but a Christmas decorations bonanza during the holiday season. I was the Porch Pot Princess - a title I gave myself, although my name badge just read "sales associate"....  My primary job was to create custom seasonal porch pots, which was great because it fed my creativity "jones". Oh, don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.  Anyone who is creative has this "itch" they just can't scratch enough - it's our "jones".  Anyway, on top of that, I'd sprained my right wrist with my new "spinner" suitcase, my first day in Spain.  I know... no one is shedding a tear for me.  I get it.  I've been dealing with the wrist situation since late October because I've never given it the time to heal completely (i.e., rest it, ice it, wrap it, whatever) and I'm probably the "worst patient ever" at taking care of myself when it comes to injuries - I've got things to do!  If I can keep going, I do, like a idiot.  And fugeddaboud going to the doctor's.  It's not that I have a fear or anything about doctors, etc.  Heck, I worked in an emergency department for 13 years!  Nothing freaks me out.  I just figure if I can function, it's not broken... it did squash my typing ability, though.  Even now, it twinges a bit.  It's gotta be a ligament.... 

But that's all neither here nor there.  That's just where I've physically been.  And now, my birthday is less than 12 hours away and the start of the new year is less than 36 hours away.  I realized today that this birthday and year's end mark an interesting place on my life's time-line.  It will mark the beginning of the end of the fifth decade I have spent on the face of this earth. What will I do this final year of my fifth decade?   I have lots of ideas of where I'd like to be.  What I have to do is figure out what I truly want and how to go about getting there and that's a toughie.  I have this general idea, but I've never put together a real game plan.  Why?  Because, truth be told, I don't know how exactly.  And, quite honestly, I've not put in the needed time and effort.  Part of that last statement is because I'm at a loss as to what exactly I should be doing and I tend to allow other things - such as "life and it's distractions" get in the way of my creative progression.   I guess having been a daughter/caretaker, wife, mom for so many years knocked "artist" off it's track and I'm still having trouble getting back on the rails.  One would think it would be so simple to jump back on track, but when the "train" has been derailed for so many years, so many times, it isn't that easy.  The train has forgotten it's schedule and not sure where the destinations are anymore.  But it's time for no more excuses, no more hesitation, time to re-write that train schedule and get back on the track, right?  I'm sure once that happens, the destinations will become much more clear. 

We always have such high hopes for a new year.  The trick is to turn those hopes into realities...

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